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In one old house lived two old people, named Bob and Bert Brown. As they wasted away they spent their final moments reading magazines about antique teapots and looking at new stains on their pants and shirts “Oh look”, said Bert loudly, “there’s a blue one”

But today was no ordinary day. Bob and Bert decided to play Monopoly -not because they enjoyed the game; rather they enjoyed arguing over little things like Income Tax and collecting salary as they passed “Go”. Bob brought the Monopoly box out of the cupboard and blew the dust off it. Because Bob and Bert could not get excited over anything or risk heart attack there were only two pieces in the box; the iron and the bag of money.

As expected, there was argument after argument after argument about who would be the bag of money and who would be the iron. After that small argument the game began. Bob took his turn first and landed on “Chance”. The card read “You have won second prize in a Beauty contest, collect $10 from every player”,

“I’m sick of this already” said Bert very unimpressed “Let’s put it away”.

“OK” sighed Bob. “I was just starting to enjoy this”. As it had been for 30 years the Monopoly box was returned to its space in Bob and Bert’s dusty and spider-web filled cupboard.

As they struggled to find another past time they imagined pictures of naked teapots in their minds. “I could kiss one of those”, said Bob. You could virtually see the love hearts pouring out of his head. But then the phone rang. Bert brought out his reaching stick and pulled the earpiece up to his ear. The message read, “ Hello Sir/Madam if you supply us with your credit card number we will run it through our system and if one of them is lucky we will send you a prize. Please ring 1300GOTCHA in the next 5 minutes with your answer”.

“Yeah, why not,” blasted out Bob. Bob rang 1300GOTCHA and gave the lovely Indian gentleman his card details.

“I am very sorry Sir/Madam, none of your numbers are lucky which means that we are now charging an admin fee of $4,789 to your account”, said the telemarketer “Have a lovely day Sir/Madam”.

Bob didn’t take no for an answer, he stuck out his reaching stick and pulled over a jetpack for each of them and a WW1 assault rifle.

They blasted themselves to India, and then shot down all the buildings that had telemarketers in them. No telemarketers remained on earth and nobody ever got bothered again.

Well, except that Bob and Bert’s jetpacks ran out of rocket fuel and they fell down to the streets of Mumbai and crashed into a man on a bicycle carrying a piano on his head. But besides from that everything turned out just fine.

The End

Written By

Richard Nobes

©2009