WriteByte

 Dear Ronald McDonald,

    I am very sorry to say that your burger passed away last night on the 21/10/09 at the MagsterstrateHospital, Columbia after a long battle with ketchup withdrawal symptoms which lead onto starvation. We treated him as well as we could, with tomatoes, onions, cheese and pickles, but he just wasn’t responding.

    We hope you understand how sorry we are, and how upset we too are about the death of this burger who has become one of some of our nurse’s great friends. The burger, given the nickname Splats (Salt presumably left at tuckshop stands- his favourite joke), will always be held in our hearts for he showed us the lighter side of life- that if you’re McDonalds buns are too soft to not put them in the microwave for you’ll hurt their feelings.

    To show our respect for Splats and yourself, we have decided to fully arrange his funeral at McDonalds, Times Square, New York where all his family, friends, staff and hospital workers will be there to say goodbye. We will fund the coffin shaped like a Coke bottle and all flights to America. After the burial at a participating Burger King store next door (they said they wanted your secret recipe…?), guests will be invited back to Central Park to have a picnic of burgers, fries, drinks and 50c soft serves cones.

    Again, we are deeply sorry for your loss. If you have any questions about

the service or our hospital service, do not hesitate to call on 2365 9834.

                                                                         MagsterstrateHospital, Columbia